This is a subject I am really exploring as I think it is an enormously untapped idea.  Growing up as I did, I would attach the idea of self-love to being egotistical or narcissistic and therefore, could not go there.  I have love for all others and strongly believe in people and can see innately how I can move them forward.  I see the beauty in them that they cannot.  I never thought to look at myself that way.  That’s being a narcissist.  But it’s NOT.  They are not the same thing.  It is crucial to our health that we like ourselves.  It is crucial to our health that we love ourselves.  With that love we can accept who we are and know that we are right and not rely on others for acceptance.   We go through life seeking the approval of others.  When does that start? We are born perfect creatures.  Our mothers and fathers think we are the most beautiful baby on the planet.  If you are a parent you know what I mean.  You went to the nursery for the first time, saw your baby in the window with all the other babies and thought, “Wow, I feel bad for everyone else because we clearly have the cutest baby here!”   Come on, who’s guilty? EVERYONE! Lol.

Then we grow.  And grow.  We get acne.  Our nose grows faster than our face.  Our bodies develop too fast, or not nearly fast enough (me, still waiting for boobs, I’ve got time).  Our voice changes.  We struggle to fit in.  We are judged by appearance and are accepted or shunned.  We are the popular kid who everyone wants to sit with or the one in the corner of the lunch room.  We flip through magazines and see airbrushed supermodels in bikinis on beaches and compare ourselves to what isn’t even real. (Stick with the real mags that teach us). We’re not good enough because we’re not perfect.  What the fuck is perfect? (sorry fudge doesn’t work as well!)  I remember hearing a stat that 1% of the population were supermodels. And I’m happy for them, as my friend Allison would say, but there are 7.4 BILLION people on this planet and I’d say that there are way more Super ROLE Models than super models!  The diversity amongst us is amazing.  Take a walk in public and see how different we all look.  Are we wrong?  Hell no.  We get lost in thinking we should look a certain way and when we don’t it can be frustrating and lead to bad habits to sabotage and add to our disappointment.  That’s not loving.  Love is kind.  Love takes care of.

Think about someone you really love from the bottom of your heart.  Think about the moment your parents laid their eyes on you for the first time, or the moment you laid eyes on your own child.  You, they, saw beauty and felt a powerful love.  Do you love yourself like that?  If you haven’t thought about it, you need to practice.  You can write your own day every day.  This life is not a biography but an autobiography and you are the author.  Take a moment in the morning and set up your day.  Look in the mirror and say out loud, “GOOD MORNING LOVE!”  If you are too shy or uncomfortable, wait till no one is looking, in the privacy of your bedroom, put your hands in the air like you want to say “YES!” “I am going to make today a great day because I deserve it.”   Practice.  Practice. Practice.  Some of you won’t believe that you deserve it, but you do.  You need to practice harder than the next person.  This is not a subject that we learn about in school or that enough people talk about.  So when you find it in the universe and realize you are lacking, you have the gift of opportunity to learn how to do it.  Loving yourself as a beginner is awkward and hard.  But it’s not an option if you want to be happy!  If we practice this maybe we will start to treat ourselves like the uniquely special person that we are.  If we love ourselves enough we can learn to take better care of ourselves.  If you believe you are worthy your choices will be smarter.  Take the steps.  If you have a negative thought, fight it with a positive thought immediately.  Fight your mind to change your thoughts.  Tell yourself something positive as soon as your eyes open in the morning because that is when your sub conscious is paying the most attention, as we sleep and as we wake.  Wake up to mantra “I completely and totally accept myself”.   This is a first in a series.  I have some pretty deep thoughts that I think can help some of you.

Action step:  Smile before you enter a building so everyone who lays eyes on you sees it as part of you not a reaction to . . . Watch how you change the world.

See you in great shape,
Mentally and physically!
Your Iron Beauty Coach

Kathi Sottosanti