Say NO to the Sabotager!

The Sabotager! Beware of the person that wants to take you down! They could be your best friend, family member or even your spouse!
Sabotager: The deliberate attempt to damage, destroy, or hinder a cause or activity.
The Free Dictionary
Here’s how it goes. You need to lose weight. You are on a plan. You are susceptible. This is not easy for you. You are doing your best to stay on track but you love food and as long as you don’t have it around, while trying to lose, you will be ok. Until the dangler steps in. You know, the person who takes it out of the drawer for herself, but wants you to have it too, just take it come on it’s only ONE piece. Or is it? Do you actually think you need to comfort her or not hurt her feelings?  YOU DON’T! She’s not dangling a carrot, more like the cookies, candies and junk in the drawer! Why, because it makes her feel SO much better when you succumb. She wants you to cave so she’s not alone in her inability to not eat. She feels better but you don’t. You are now mad at yourself for giving in to the low hanging fruit (aka cookies, candy, junk) because, well, you want it and are doing what you can to stay away until it’s put under your nose and you hate to be rude.  BE RUDE!  SAY NO!

The Sabotager struggles with food. They have it in their drawers because THEY need it. THEY want it. They struggle with weight. It is not on you to feel guilty. They’re not just trying to be nice by sharing their Snickers, they need you to eat it to ease their guilt for wanting it. It’s human nature to feel better when we fail with company. Who wants to fail alone? Take the bait! NO THANK YOU!

That’s when you get strong. You have to shut her down. Thank you Dorothy, but I am on a plan. My COACH KATHI tells me that those foods are not on my list, but you enjoy them I am really working hard on my health! WHAT? You defy me, she’ll think, these foods no longer taste as good? Oddly. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll turn her around?! It actually empowers me when others know I am on a strict program and want me to blow it. I know they know better and that makes me stronger. Mentally and physically.
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Say no to Sabotage!

Your Iron Beauty Coach and loving stalker,
Kathi Sottosanti
Health and Wellness Coach
NASM Certified Personal Trainer

Questions? Write me at

I can’t go to the gym (party, wedding, etc). I’ve gained weight and don’t want anyone to see me!

I think I am going to have to change the name of this blog from Locker Room Chatter, to Behind Closed Doors!  Because so much goes on there.  You might be reading this and thinking, I can’t believe she’s talking about me.  I’m actually talking about a number of YOU, as I hear this so often, and that’s why I write.

  1. To dispel the myths and just get it on the table.
  2. To get you going again.
  3. Because it’s not one person who feels this way, it’s so many!

Once again, you are not alone. The other day I saw a friend on the Stairmaster.  My thoughts:  I’m so excited to see her beautiful face, it’s been a while.  Her thoughts:  Ugh, I can’t believe she spotted me, I am trying to hide!  Everyone in here is looking at me because I have fallen off, gained weight and I am trying to get in and out without anyone seeing.  WHAT?  I am so glad you’re here!

The next day I see another friend on the bike.  My thoughts:  I have to go tell her I can’t wait to go to her party.  Her thoughts:  Oh no,  I have been eating cookies and cookies and put it all back on as she backed her body away in guilt.  By nature I bring it out of people even when I’m not trying.  I am a confessional.  But NOT a judge.  Just a safe place to say it.

The next woman walks in and down the hall half looking at me, shoulders rounded, body crouched as if to hide.  Ok, life got in the way, or the holidays, or we just plain fell off and ate until we mentally woke up in a different body. We are not in college and this is not the walk of shame (who said that, I know nothing about the walk of shame . . . 😉  )

Worse are the ones who I don’t see at all because they have THIS going on in their head and feel like they can’t even walk through the door!  It’s your perception vs reality.  Reality is you have put on weight. Ok.  There it is. That’s why there are people like me, who also are not perfect, but strong in their conviction to push you and motivate you and tell you that you have to start somewhere.  If someone judges you, shame on them.  Watch out for KarmaKat (that may be my next nickname after Kitty) I haven’t put a pair of jeans on since I grew out of mine.  Nope.  I have been wanting and needing to shop for a new pair since I gained 8 or so pounds in 2016.  Yes, a lot of it was muscle, but not all, and regardless, my pants don’t fit.  So I have been styling myself in a different way in order to work what I got . . . and it’s called LYCRA!

Here is my message to you if you have gained weight, and are afraid of walking through the door of life.  The thoughts in your head are way heavier then the weight you have put on.   The perception in your head is that feeling of shame being reflected outward.  But how will you get started if that feeling blocks you from what is good for you? What you actually need is stress reduction, health, friends, balance and “you deserve it time”.  Not a good time right now because of major life issues?  Ok.  You will get through one thing at a time and then make your plan.  When you are ready, we are ready.  In the meantime, keep following us, hang in there and do what you can.  Start small.  Take walks.  Stretch.  Pack snacks to stay on path!  Or simply read health articles that will get you mentally engaged.  I do this when driving on long trips to keep my mind in the game.
You walk through the door and tell me this got you there and I will go jean shopping.  Deal?
We’re all in it together.  And when one of us falls, another one LIFTS us up!  Iron Beauty is not one or two people but a posse of like minded people who truly care about others and having their back.  We are shifting the current from a world of judgement and tearing down, to building up having each other’s back and that my friend, is why you are here!

Share, comment or write me if you have a question at


With Strong Love,
Your coach and friendly stalker
Kathi Sottosanti
Iron Beauty

Compassion Please. Everyone! Has something going on.

Seriously.  The world is a judgmental place for sure.  I try my absolute best not to judge.  I mean that.  I actually try to live my life without judging others.  Yet, I am judged over and over.  I have heard all too much how I am judged, but when you are in the public eye all the time you are bound to have people talk about you.  It is what it is.  The Four Agreements, which I highly recommend to EVERYONE, tells you not to take it personally.  Easier said than done,  but a definite work in progress. And be impeccable with your word.  Think about that.  Be impeccable with your word means really caring about what comes out of your mouth especially when it comes to talking about others!

I hate the word hate.  When my kids were little they were not allowed to use the word hate.  It was a curse word to me.  I hate this, I hate that, and I would say you are too young to hate anything, hate is a bad word and how can you possibly know anyway, you are too young to have that negativity in you!

So let’s think about this.  Let’s look at the world, even if for one day, as if everyone you meet has a real life issue that they are dealing with, because that is actually real.  Life on earth is life on earth.  We are human and have to experience so many things.  Yet we look at each other as if they have it going on because . . . they can do that because. . . they have it easy because. . .  They are just dealing with it differently.  Everyone has something.  Most people won’t share their something because they don’t want people to know their life isn’t perfect or it’s too hard or it’s just too personal.  All valid.  I just think we would look at the world differently if we actually acknowledged that everyone we encounter has something going on, because they do.  We have aging parents, parents who are gone too early, kids  we are trying to raise, finances on the brink, relationship struggles, illness, the list is huge. And the doors to their home are closed and you do not know what is going on behind those doors. Most are just too scared to share because they feel alone, they fear they will be judged or that there problem is unique.  Nothing is unique.  We are never alone.  You are not the first one to have this experience.  You have so many like you.  Compassion goes a long way.  Imagine if we replaced judgement with compassion.  Wow, now that’s a world for me!

Exercise:  Tomorrow.  Let’s assume every single solitary person you encounter has a major life issue.  And that their issues are worse than yours.  What will you do when they yell at you?  Bite your head off or call you a name?  Take a deep breath and think, they are actually a beautiful person.  They are not their actions, but  a result of their pain.  What would a painless life look like? Just like we don’t know what superheros would be like, because they are not real, neither is a pain free life. We can all get better at embracing more people  because it is often just a cover up for so much going on.  We must have compassion.  We can turn it around!   As a coach,  I know what’s real.  Behind closed doors.  That’s what’s real.  xoxoxoxo Sending hugs.

NO JUDGEMENT HERE.  If you have an issue you would like to discuss please write me at  I am a vault.

See you in great shape,
Your loving stalker and coach
Kathi Sottosanti

Happy New Year! TITM time for Cheryl Baldwin! Read on to find out more

What is a TITM?  A Transformation In The Making.  And yes, I have been coaching people to the other side of happy since my early 20’s, but this one we are doing differently. We are going public with it while it happens, instead of waiting for success and numbers. Two reasons.  One, maybe some of you will relate to the journey and benefit from watching and because I need your help.  I believe that your support will help push Cheryl to a place she has never to before and because it’s being done in front of you she will have a harder time backing out!

I met Cheryl and her partner Terry just over 4 years ago.  Man was she shy.  Her eyes would look at me like a scared little kid.  She sat all the way in the back of my yoga-like class in the dark and I still hooked on to her!  We bonded.  I wanted to help her.  Cheryl has been struggling with her weight her whole life. She was terribly afraid of success and making changes.  It was a tough one for me to figure out, although I fully understand why people fear success, there was something else to it.  Afraid to work for fear of changing, getting healthier and feeling better?  Then one day, while talking we discovered the why.  At 10 years old, Cheryl was fully developed.  Having an 11 year old, I know how innocent that age still is, or can be.  She had a body and that body was getting looks that a 10 year old brain could not comprehend.  She just knew it didn’t feel good.  So the weight started climbing up.  She was safer in an an overweight body because then her boobs and curves would not stand out.  It took 33 years to crack that code!  Now at 46, Cheryl has to make changes for her health.  She has diabetes, that is weight related.  She has excuses.  We got those out of the way.  She is sedentary.  That’s got to change.  In fact, she hates exercise right now.  Sweet.  Even better, she’s been eating like crap. This is going to be fun!  Having said all that, I believe this time she really is ready.  That means going to a place she’s never gone to before.  She has been on and off for a long time and is ready to be on with no off.  This is for both of them because Terry needs it too.  It will require shopping, prepping and being accountable week after week. With a BMI of 49 at 222.3 pounds, she has NO CHOICE.
Week 1:
Weight:  222.3
Height: 5’3″
BMI: 49%

Cheryl, you can do this!  I have faith in you and Iron Beauty and the people who will be following you!  Cheers to good health in 2016! Check out the Iron Beauty FB Page for pics that will be posted right after this goes up, and follow the weekly progress for success in 2017! All good things.

Your Stalker
Kathi Sottosanti