I can’t go to the gym (party, wedding, etc). I’ve gained weight and don’t want anyone to see me!

I think I am going to have to change the name of this blog from Locker Room Chatter, to Behind Closed Doors!  Because so much goes on there.  You might be reading this and thinking, I can’t believe she’s talking about me.  I’m actually talking about a number of YOU, as I hear this so often, and that’s why I write.

  1. To dispel the myths and just get it on the table.
  2. To get you going again.
  3. Because it’s not one person who feels this way, it’s so many!

Once again, you are not alone. The other day I saw a friend on the Stairmaster.  My thoughts:  I’m so excited to see her beautiful face, it’s been a while.  Her thoughts:  Ugh, I can’t believe she spotted me, I am trying to hide!  Everyone in here is looking at me because I have fallen off, gained weight and I am trying to get in and out without anyone seeing.  WHAT?  I am so glad you’re here!

The next day I see another friend on the bike.  My thoughts:  I have to go tell her I can’t wait to go to her party.  Her thoughts:  Oh no,  I have been eating cookies and cookies and put it all back on as she backed her body away in guilt.  By nature I bring it out of people even when I’m not trying.  I am a confessional.  But NOT a judge.  Just a safe place to say it.

The next woman walks in and down the hall half looking at me, shoulders rounded, body crouched as if to hide.  Ok, life got in the way, or the holidays, or we just plain fell off and ate until we mentally woke up in a different body. We are not in college and this is not the walk of shame (who said that, I know nothing about the walk of shame . . . 😉  )

Worse are the ones who I don’t see at all because they have THIS going on in their head and feel like they can’t even walk through the door!  It’s your perception vs reality.  Reality is you have put on weight. Ok.  There it is. That’s why there are people like me, who also are not perfect, but strong in their conviction to push you and motivate you and tell you that you have to start somewhere.  If someone judges you, shame on them.  Watch out for KarmaKat (that may be my next nickname after Kitty) I haven’t put a pair of jeans on since I grew out of mine.  Nope.  I have been wanting and needing to shop for a new pair since I gained 8 or so pounds in 2016.  Yes, a lot of it was muscle, but not all, and regardless, my pants don’t fit.  So I have been styling myself in a different way in order to work what I got . . . and it’s called LYCRA!

Here is my message to you if you have gained weight, and are afraid of walking through the door of life.  The thoughts in your head are way heavier then the weight you have put on.   The perception in your head is that feeling of shame being reflected outward.  But how will you get started if that feeling blocks you from what is good for you? What you actually need is stress reduction, health, friends, balance and “you deserve it time”.  Not a good time right now because of major life issues?  Ok.  You will get through one thing at a time and then make your plan.  When you are ready, we are ready.  In the meantime, keep following us, hang in there and do what you can.  Start small.  Take walks.  Stretch.  Pack snacks to stay on path!  Or simply read health articles that will get you mentally engaged.  I do this when driving on long trips to keep my mind in the game.
You walk through the door and tell me this got you there and I will go jean shopping.  Deal?
We’re all in it together.  And when one of us falls, another one LIFTS us up!  Iron Beauty is not one or two people but a posse of like minded people who truly care about others and having their back.  We are shifting the current from a world of judgement and tearing down, to building up having each other’s back and that my friend, is why you are here!

Share, comment or write me if you have a question at kathi@myironbeauty.com.

 

With Strong Love,
Your coach and friendly stalker
Kathi Sottosanti
Iron Beauty
myironbeauty.com


Compassion Please. Everyone! Has something going on.

Seriously.  The world is a judgmental place for sure.  I try my absolute best not to judge.  I mean that.  I actually try to live my life without judging others.  Yet, I am judged over and over.  I have heard all too much how I am judged, but when you are in the public eye all the time you are bound to have people talk about you.  It is what it is.  The Four Agreements, which I highly recommend to EVERYONE, tells you not to take it personally.  Easier said than done,  but a definite work in progress. And be impeccable with your word.  Think about that.  Be impeccable with your word means really caring about what comes out of your mouth especially when it comes to talking about others!

I hate the word hate.  When my kids were little they were not allowed to use the word hate.  It was a curse word to me.  I hate this, I hate that, and I would say you are too young to hate anything, hate is a bad word and how can you possibly know anyway, you are too young to have that negativity in you!

So let’s think about this.  Let’s look at the world, even if for one day, as if everyone you meet has a real life issue that they are dealing with, because that is actually real.  Life on earth is life on earth.  We are human and have to experience so many things.  Yet we look at each other as if they have it going on because . . . they can do that because. . . they have it easy because. . .  They are just dealing with it differently.  Everyone has something.  Most people won’t share their something because they don’t want people to know their life isn’t perfect or it’s too hard or it’s just too personal.  All valid.  I just think we would look at the world differently if we actually acknowledged that everyone we encounter has something going on, because they do.  We have aging parents, parents who are gone too early, kids  we are trying to raise, finances on the brink, relationship struggles, illness, the list is huge. And the doors to their home are closed and you do not know what is going on behind those doors. Most are just too scared to share because they feel alone, they fear they will be judged or that there problem is unique.  Nothing is unique.  We are never alone.  You are not the first one to have this experience.  You have so many like you.  Compassion goes a long way.  Imagine if we replaced judgement with compassion.  Wow, now that’s a world for me!

Exercise:  Tomorrow.  Let’s assume every single solitary person you encounter has a major life issue.  And that their issues are worse than yours.  What will you do when they yell at you?  Bite your head off or call you a name?  Take a deep breath and think, they are actually a beautiful person.  They are not their actions, but  a result of their pain.  What would a painless life look like? Just like we don’t know what superheros would be like, because they are not real, neither is a pain free life. We can all get better at embracing more people  because it is often just a cover up for so much going on.  We must have compassion.  We can turn it around!   As a coach,  I know what’s real.  Behind closed doors.  That’s what’s real.  xoxoxoxo Sending hugs.

NO JUDGEMENT HERE.  If you have an issue you would like to discuss please write me at Kathi@myironbeauty.com.  I am a vault.

See you in great shape,
Your loving stalker and coach
Kathi Sottosanti
©


Happy New Year! TITM time for Cheryl Baldwin! Read on to find out more

What is a TITM?  A Transformation In The Making.  And yes, I have been coaching people to the other side of happy since my early 20’s, but this one we are doing differently. We are going public with it while it happens, instead of waiting for success and numbers. Two reasons.  One, maybe some of you will relate to the journey and benefit from watching and because I need your help.  I believe that your support will help push Cheryl to a place she has never to before and because it’s being done in front of you she will have a harder time backing out!

I met Cheryl and her partner Terry just over 4 years ago.  Man was she shy.  Her eyes would look at me like a scared little kid.  She sat all the way in the back of my yoga-like class in the dark and I still hooked on to her!  We bonded.  I wanted to help her.  Cheryl has been struggling with her weight her whole life. She was terribly afraid of success and making changes.  It was a tough one for me to figure out, although I fully understand why people fear success, there was something else to it.  Afraid to work for fear of changing, getting healthier and feeling better?  Then one day, while talking we discovered the why.  At 10 years old, Cheryl was fully developed.  Having an 11 year old, I know how innocent that age still is, or can be.  She had a body and that body was getting looks that a 10 year old brain could not comprehend.  She just knew it didn’t feel good.  So the weight started climbing up.  She was safer in an an overweight body because then her boobs and curves would not stand out.  It took 33 years to crack that code!  Now at 46, Cheryl has to make changes for her health.  She has diabetes, that is weight related.  She has excuses.  We got those out of the way.  She is sedentary.  That’s got to change.  In fact, she hates exercise right now.  Sweet.  Even better, she’s been eating like crap. This is going to be fun!  Having said all that, I believe this time she really is ready.  That means going to a place she’s never gone to before.  She has been on and off for a long time and is ready to be on with no off.  This is for both of them because Terry needs it too.  It will require shopping, prepping and being accountable week after week. With a BMI of 49 at 222.3 pounds, she has NO CHOICE.
Week 1:
Weight:  222.3
Height: 5’3″
BMI: 49%

Cheryl, you can do this!  I have faith in you and Iron Beauty and the people who will be following you!  Cheers to good health in 2016! Check out the Iron Beauty FB Page for pics that will be posted right after this goes up, and follow the weekly progress for success in 2017! All good things.

Love,
Your Stalker
Kathi Sottosanti

 


“I’m damaged goods.”

I was involved in a conversation with a beautiful woman who described herself to a new friend with a warning, that she was damaged goods. In that instant she robbed herself of all of the millions or reasons that make her an amazing woman with a beautiful soul. Robbed of talent, kindness, being a daughter, mother, friend, hard worker, the list goes on, in one little instant all that was good was given a STAMP. DAMAGED. Wow, all I could think was stop right there, we need to change your language immediately! Remember how important this is because your subconscious is paying very close attention. Imagine a spy with you 24 hours a day, listening to your every move and every conversation soaking up how you think and talk about yourself and believing every word! You are actually teaching your own inner self about who you are, based on who you “think” you are, which thankfully can be changed! You are not a on a conveyer belt waiting for a stamp so that you can be taken off the belt and put in the bin to be disregarded!

Mantra: I am presently struggling with a situation that life has put in front of me, I am a GOOD PERSON. Or I have been through a life situation that was not of my control. I am a GOOD PERSON. I will make it through. I deserve to be happy.

We experience all sorts of situations in life. But it is so important to be on point with your language and how you describe yourself. Yes, I know this is easier said than done, which is why I wrote my last blog about having black eyes for beating yourself up. After I wrote that Kathy and I would walk around and talk to women, pay a complement and then hear the negative come back and one of us would say, uh oh you need to read the black eye blog! Not only is it so hard to take a complement, we take it step further by warning people that we are damaged. HELL TO THE NO ON THAT ONE! You are a human being with a soul.

Take a moment and think about those experiences. They are surrounding you so much that you feel like they are who you are. Close your eyes and put them in a box. Imagine they are no longer a part of your being. They are now in a box, and taken off or out of you. Keep the box closed tight, lock it. Let the experiences stay there, away from your soul. Take a deep breath, take another one. Think only about yourself. As a living human being. Think about who you are and list 5 positive attributes. Write them down. ALL 5. Honor yourself for all the good.

Practice for a few minutes each day and change your language. It has to start with you! It HAS to. I tell my kids ALL THE TIME. Be nice. You tell people that too, right? Teachers tell they’re kids. Friends tell friends. You tell your partner when you need to, be nice! Sure you do. Be nice. You mean it when you say it to someone else right? I’m telling you to tell that to yourself. BE NICE TO YOURSELF! If we can’t then we shouldn’t be able to tell our kids to do what we can’t do. Imagine that! And the next time you meet someone and introduce yourself to them, give them the biggest gift you can, give them you and if they are lucky they will get to learn about your talents, love, loyalty, and everything that makes you special! Rock on!

Your Iron Beauty Coach,
Kathi Sottosanti
Health and Wellness Coach
NASM CPT

©


TODAY I HEARD THE MUSIC. TODAY I FELT THE SUN. TODAY I SAW THE SQUIRRELS.

Ever feel like you have to escape? Life is a lot. We are on overdrive and so incredibly plugged in. It’s a disease that needs a name. It’s like watching a sci-fi movie as I walked through the city today. Imagine hearing 100 phone conversations in quick blurbs while you’re not speaking. Just observing. It’s so easy to go on overload. Everyone is talking. Is anyone paying attention?

Our kids are so plugged in they’re not living in reality they’re living in phonality. It’s so sad. It’s a life based around who’s calling, who’s face-timing, who’s snap-chatting, who’s texting. Did you know there was something called Phantom Texting? A problem facing the under 20 crowd where they think they hear their phone go off. JEEZZZZZZZ. Let me ask you this. Do you look at your phone because you are looking to see what’s up from 2 minutes ago? YES YOU DO. It’s a disease. An addiction. Who’s writing us? What’s new? We eat dinner and have a conversation, yet we cannot wait to get to our phones. So once dinner is kind of officially over we grab our devices and it’s good bye. Why? Because we put our friends on temporary hold only to have dinner with our family. We actually can’t wait to get back to them but we do the obligatory dinner time. That’s so fucked up. We took a temporary break from our real world to plug into our FAMILY TIME! WOW! What the hell is happening to us? We get jittery because the dinner conversation is going on a little too long and we have to RESPOND. To whom? Who is more important than our children and yes I am guilty!

Today I had had enough. I unplugged. I got on a train and went to the city where no one knows my name. I was mindful. It was so interesting. I walked a ton. I sat in parks. I listened to music that was so beautiful. I watched as a couple dance at 4:30 in broad daylight in a park and thought how cool is that?! I watched a squirrel eat out of a woman’s hand like it was a house pet. I had no WIFI. I did my best to disconnect and read, with the exception of checking in on my kids after school. I felt the sun on my face as I sat on the park bench. I felt the presence of the stranger that asked to sit with me. I connected with no one and everyone. They were a part of my peace in a weird sort of way. How can we break this horrible disease of human disconnectedness? The stacking game is great, friends over phones, young people stacking their phones on the table so they can have real time with each other. BRAVO. We need to start seeing each other. Paying attention to each other. The phone gives us so much love that it makes it easy to not love what is right in front of you. That is bullshit. Can we turn it around? We’re doomed in my opinion if we don’t. Pay attention or pay your phone bill. You tell me what’s more important.

Love always,
Your Iron Beauty Coach
Kathi Sottosanti


“I NEVER SEE ANYONE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME IN PICTURES.” DON’T LET IT GET YOU! THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. THAT’S WHY WE’RE HERE.

I got an inbox this morning at Iron Beauty from a woman who really struggles with her weight.  She asked the following questions.

“How come the people in your pictures are in great shape?  I never see anyone who looks anything like me.  Do larger people go to your gym?”  Well that opened up a real heartfelt and honest conversation with my friend about a very real subject and it was a conversation that I’m glad we had.  YES, there are women all sizes in the gym (and in my pictures, but some people HIDE in the back because they don’t want to be seen and I make them get in). Fitness bodies are not all small.  A big woman can be a very fit, strong woman.  Even that can be intimidating.   Immediately after she asked me those questions, she thought about it and said, “The truth is I would never want to be in a picture because then I would have to look at myself.”  Heavy heart moment.  If one person feels that way, then countless others do to.  We are never alone, which is why I share this story.

Our body fat is often attached to a bigger issue, an emotional one.  We’re eating to numb ourselves, we’re addicted to sugar, we have experienced trauma, loss of a loved one, poor body image, stress with a relationship, kids or simply because it’s all we know.  It could be how you grew up culturally.   Thirty years ago there was no internet.  Our parents and grandparents did the best they could (or not) at the time. There were no guidelines on food and when the guidelines did come out in the early nineties, in the form of a pyramid, it called for 6 to 11 servings of grains, bread and pasta which we now know was so wrong.  But we trusted in the experts at that time!  We’re only as smart as the Dr’s right?  Not in this case.   My father had his first heart attack at 48!  He grew up without money and my grandmother fed in quantity not quality.  She did the best she could. She also smoked like a chimney and had a yellow circle in the ceiling above her head from the smoke. I didn’t know her struggles as a woman, only as a child.  9 strokes later she passed.  She did not have the info we have now.  Pregnant?  Yes, gin and tonic please.  Now with a touch of a button and my voice I know how many calories are in anything.  I know the effects of smoking and foods that lead to the dangerous fat but people need motivation, to be held accountable and most importantly to FORGIVE THEMSELVES!  Everyone is worthy of feeling amazing, but they have to believe they are first.  It’s important to note that I am not saying there is an ideal body for all, because there is not!  We all have our own personal visions of our own ideal bodies and some of us will be fit or feel great in a much larger frame than someone else.  Sexy is not achieving skinny.  Sexy is owning your body and having love for yourself.  Clearly, one of the biggest challenges, regardless of fitness.  Just a beginner.  Take baby steps.  Just walk to get started.  Let’s not think in terms of what we can’t do or weren’t able to do but appreciate what you can do.  Need help?  Ask for it.

A picture here or there cannot show you the thousands of conversations that go on day and night with so many for so many different reasons.  I ask the question to women when I first sit down with them who are over a certain weight, “When was the last time you were under 200 pounds?  Or 300 pounds?  And the answer I hear most, from grown women in their 40’s, is high school and even middle school!  That’s over 20-30 years ago.  They have lived their whole adult life at a certain weight.  So if we can get to the emotional aspect of why or when, maybe then we can begin the process of releasing.  Releasing first what got you there. If obesity was not a medical issue would it be a discussion?  Unfortunately it is in that it increases risk factors for disease.

Here are some facts to consider from the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases:
About Overweight and Obesity and the prevalence of it in the United States.
Overweight refers to the amount of body weight that may come from muscles, bone, fat and water.
Obesity refers to an excess of body fat.

  • More than 2 in 3 adults are considered overweight or obese
  • More than 1 in 3 adults are considered obese
  • More than 1 in 20 adults are considered to have extreme obesity
  • About one-third of children and adolescents ages 6 to 19 are considered to be overweight or obese
  • More than 1 in 6 children and adolescents ages 6 to 19 are considered to be obese.

Did you know that the terminology on a body fat chart is skewed and that the word “average” is actually overweight and “above average” is obese?  The “ideal” category is what is considered normal.  They are using words that sound nicer.  I coach online, in a gym and have coached corporately.  By nature you will see more fit people (all sizes!) in a gym, but in real life America and big, high stress corporations that’s not the case.

My wish:  That when someone thinks to themselves, I don’t want to be in a picture, I don’t want to look at myself, or that they are alone, that we don’t bury ourselves in the negative emotions, but recognize that in this country, the land of plenty, there are millions that need help. That  when you find a place that is safe and holds no judgement you hang on!  Let’s talk about it and what to do.  Iron Beauty is a safe place.  There is no discrimination in our world.  I am very involved in fitness, but not all of my clients are.  There is a reason why I coach, because so many people need help.  I am grateful that she brought up what she saw and how she felt so we can talk about the reality that it is not all pretty pictures, it’s a ton of work!

If you have read this, please take a moment to honor yourself and where you came from, your struggles, losses, addictions and that fact that you are here to read this.  Then I want you to think about this. . . Please tell yourself or me FIVE positive things about you.  Write them down.  Then really think about what it will take to you get in that picture and let’s talk! Send me pictures!

Your Iron Beauty Coach,
Kathi Sottosanti
Health and Wellness Coach
NASM Certified Personal Trainer, Instructor
Mother, Wife, Loving Stalker, Friend

©


DROP YOUR ANCHOR AND WATCH YOUR BODY CHANGE!

Do you have a anchor on your ship? You eat well BUT. You have an anchor. That anchor can sink your ship. Coke at 140 calories is an anchor. 25 cans will buy you a pound. Let’s take pumpkin donuts, totally an anchor.  At 360 calories and 10 grams of saturated fat that will hold you back for sure.  One does not even fill you up. Empty calories.  I may know someone having an average of 6 a week. 2,160 extra calories a week that will not do one thing for your body except add almost 3/4 of a pound of weight to your frame.  A week.  UNLESS you are a serious body builder or powerlifter, and need X amount of carbs that are sometimes hard to get, so you throw in fast acting carbs immediately after training ie donuts which some guys do, to get it back into your muscles quickly, then it’s a big, fat NO.
It’s her culture to eat dessert. I respect that. So how about a square of dark chocolate with a hot cup of tea. Afraid you might eat the bar? Leave it at work under the care of a co-worker and bring a square home at night for an after dinner treat.  This at least is a healthy fat at 70% or higher.
We try so hard, but the truth is that many of us have an anchor.  Can you give up your anchor for 21 days?  It takes 21 days to change a habit.  That’s my plan with my girl to give up pumpkin donuts for 21 days because the goal is real.  It’s also SO important to GET TO KNOW your anchors.  When I spoke to the Google God and it responded with the nutrition info in all of two seconds, it was very surprising to my friend.  She was guessing it was a couple hundred calories. It is actually easier to give up that “thing” when you know that it costs you a QUARTER of your calories for the day but gives you NOTHING in return!  Imagine eating a 1/4 of your calories for a ZERO body benefit.  Yet for 400 calories, you could have 4 oz of chicken, a half a cup of rice and a cup of broccoli and get way more protein, carbs, nutrients and more in your body would be able to either build or protect your lean muscle and feel good when you were done.  What’s the donut doing?  Nothing, that’s why it’s shaped in a ZERO!  Drop your anchor off your ship and watch your body change!  Unlike the ship that would stay in place with an anchor, your ship will actually move when the anchor is GONE.  Remember new goals.  Holidays.  Strong and Sexy.
As always, see you in great shape!
Your Iron Beauty Coach and Loving Stalker,
Kathi Sottosanti
©

FEAR STUCKS!  NO THAT’S NOT A TYPO. GETTING UNSTUCK.

 

Let’s get down and dirty with FEAR.  Like take the gloves off and fight fear.  Fear is a bully.  Fear makes you STUCK.  STUCK in life.  STUCK in workouts.  STUCK in progress.  STUCK in moving forward to what could be an amazing path ahead. FEAR JUST STUCKS!  Fear is so real, yet so not real.  We live with fear because we create it in our minds to block us from life therefore giving it life.  In fact, don’t feel bad, it’s not even you, just a version of you we call the ego.  The ego in each of us wants to win so we have to fight with our good souls to get it the hell out.  We are the sole creators of our fear yet our souls need love.   When we experience fear we cannot experience love, as per my friend, (in my mind and in my future) Gabrielle Bernstein, and her book May Cause Miracles, a 40+ day practice to alleviate fear and see amazing things happen in life (miracles).  Gabby says, where there is fear, love cannot exist.  And she’s not talking about romantic love, but life love.  As a coach, the number one thing I tackle with people is fear.  As a human being, the number one thing I tackle for myself is fear.  Fear has held me back in numerous situations and I am now really working to recognize fear when it peeks it’s head in to my life.  I can now look back at scenarios and see where I remained stuck for too long and should have moved forward.  I will never forget the words of my sister Eileen when we were young adults.  She had been out with a guy a couple of times and it didn’t work out.  They ended it and she said the very next morning, without hesitation or fear, “I can’t wait to see who I meet next!”  It really blew me away because anyone else would be feeling sorry, she looked at life with adventure eyes and saw opportunity.  I admired that and have used that example to help many others (thanks sista).

I talked about this in one of my recent blogs, how during my last training phase before my competition, I would look ahead at workouts in fear wondering how I would pull them off, thinking how on earth . . . 285, 295 pounds . . . fear cannot exist in workouts.  Period.  I learned from that and made a shift.  Now I look at a 10 X 10 with decent weight and say, shit, ok, the only way to finish is to begin.  Just move.  Fear STUCKS.

FEAR holds us back from being our best selves.  Fear lies.  It tells us we’re not worthy.  Fear tells us we will die if we try.  NO WE WON’T.  Fear tells us it’s too hard.  Fear tells us that we can’t be free from an unhealthy relationship because we can’t make it on our own.  Fear tells us that we can’t lift or we’ll get hurt.  Fear tells us not to go out of our comfort zone because something will go wrong.  Fear tells us not to meet someone new for FEAR of rejection, not being good enough.  FK THAT FEAR we are already perfect, because we are a creation of God you’re just trying to brainwash us in to believing otherwise!

These things cannot hurt you.  We fail at something.  Great!  That means you are moving forward.  Failure IS THE WAY TO SUCCESS.   Failure is GOOD, it’s a lesson.  So GET OUT THERE AND KICK FEAR’S ASSSSSSSSSS.  Believe that you are worthy of trying.  We all are.  Worthy.  What you fear you have created and so you have the ability to CHANGE IT.   Create something amazing in your mind.  We know our thoughts become our actions.  When you lay your head down on the pillow, create an amazing picture.  Practice this before bed.  Create your tomorrow in your mind.  Not what you think will be reality, but what you really, truly want.  Take fear out of the picture and visualize life as if anything is possible.  I know this is hard because life is real.  I totally get it and you’re tired and don’t believe but do it anyway. Create the vision that you CAN and you will be 1,000 times more likely to get what you desire versus fearing you can’t.  Whether it’s fitness, a job, a relationship, trying something out of your comfort zone, or just heavy real life.  Fight it with feelings of ABILITY.  Feel able.  You are able. You are capable.  You can do this.  Fear is real  because we make it real, but we can fight it and we can win when we make it not real and we don’t give it power.  Amazingly you may not even know it was an something real that held you back, just that you were held back.  See it now as a separate version of yourself, your ego self and fight to release it. Here’s your new mantra:
Sayonara STUCKA!

Tell me what else you want to hear.

See you in great shape, inside and out,
Your Iron Beauty Coach,
Kathi Sottosanti
©


HOW SELF LOVE CAN HELP YOU HEAL.  READY TO START BEING YOUR MOST AMAZING SELF?

This is a subject I am really exploring as I think it is an enormously untapped idea.  Growing up as I did, I would attach the idea of self-love to being egotistical or narcissistic and therefore, could not go there.  I have love for all others and strongly believe in people and can see innately how I can move them forward.  I see the beauty in them that they cannot.  I never thought to look at myself that way.  That’s being a narcissist.  But it’s NOT.  They are not the same thing.  It is crucial to our health that we like ourselves.  It is crucial to our health that we love ourselves.  With that love we can accept who we are and know that we are right and not rely on others for acceptance.   We go through life seeking the approval of others.  When does that start? We are born perfect creatures.  Our mothers and fathers think we are the most beautiful baby on the planet.  If you are a parent you know what I mean.  You went to the nursery for the first time, saw your baby in the window with all the other babies and thought, “Wow, I feel bad for everyone else because we clearly have the cutest baby here!”   Come on, who’s guilty? EVERYONE! Lol.

Then we grow.  And grow.  We get acne.  Our nose grows faster than our face.  Our bodies develop too fast, or not nearly fast enough (me, still waiting for boobs, I’ve got time).  Our voice changes.  We struggle to fit in.  We are judged by appearance and are accepted or shunned.  We are the popular kid who everyone wants to sit with or the one in the corner of the lunch room.  We flip through magazines and see airbrushed supermodels in bikinis on beaches and compare ourselves to what isn’t even real. (Stick with the real mags that teach us). We’re not good enough because we’re not perfect.  What the fuck is perfect? (sorry fudge doesn’t work as well!)  I remember hearing a stat that 1% of the population were supermodels. And I’m happy for them, as my friend Allison would say, but there are 7.4 BILLION people on this planet and I’d say that there are way more Super ROLE Models than super models!  The diversity amongst us is amazing.  Take a walk in public and see how different we all look.  Are we wrong?  Hell no.  We get lost in thinking we should look a certain way and when we don’t it can be frustrating and lead to bad habits to sabotage and add to our disappointment.  That’s not loving.  Love is kind.  Love takes care of.

Think about someone you really love from the bottom of your heart.  Think about the moment your parents laid their eyes on you for the first time, or the moment you laid eyes on your own child.  You, they, saw beauty and felt a powerful love.  Do you love yourself like that?  If you haven’t thought about it, you need to practice.  You can write your own day every day.  This life is not a biography but an autobiography and you are the author.  Take a moment in the morning and set up your day.  Look in the mirror and say out loud, “GOOD MORNING LOVE!”  If you are too shy or uncomfortable, wait till no one is looking, in the privacy of your bedroom, put your hands in the air like you want to say “YES!” “I am going to make today a great day because I deserve it.”   Practice.  Practice. Practice.  Some of you won’t believe that you deserve it, but you do.  You need to practice harder than the next person.  This is not a subject that we learn about in school or that enough people talk about.  So when you find it in the universe and realize you are lacking, you have the gift of opportunity to learn how to do it.  Loving yourself as a beginner is awkward and hard.  But it’s not an option if you want to be happy!  If we practice this maybe we will start to treat ourselves like the uniquely special person that we are.  If we love ourselves enough we can learn to take better care of ourselves.  If you believe you are worthy your choices will be smarter.  Take the steps.  If you have a negative thought, fight it with a positive thought immediately.  Fight your mind to change your thoughts.  Tell yourself something positive as soon as your eyes open in the morning because that is when your sub conscious is paying the most attention, as we sleep and as we wake.  Wake up to mantra “I completely and totally accept myself”.   This is a first in a series.  I have some pretty deep thoughts that I think can help some of you.

Action step:  Smile before you enter a building so everyone who lays eyes on you sees it as part of you not a reaction to . . . Watch how you change the world.

See you in great shape,
Mentally and physically!
Your Iron Beauty Coach

Kathi Sottosanti

©


HELLO MY NAME IS__________ AND I’M A SUGAR ADDICT.

I was having dinner the other night with two great friends and this was the subject. How this couple is drawn to sweets and how they were enabling each other to buy their problem. There are many poisons to battle out there.  One in particular that I would like to talk about, as a result of my dinner convo is sugar addiction. And I would like to thank them both for their honesty.

Do you find yourself passing the seafood/deli counter in the supermarket to know that aisles 2 and 3 are juices, cookies candies? The Oreo’s are on sale two for $5 so you have to get them.  You’ll get the thin ones because they’ll be better. But then you’ll go home and eat the whole sleeve. That’s when he said we might as well get the milk and allowed it to happen. Skim milk has 12 grams of sugar in a cup as well. The voices of these foods are calling out to you no differently than someone else’s addiction.  BUY ME. COME ON. YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME. But then you eat it and feel tired, sluggish and guilty. You’re hungry at 3 pm and the only thing calling your name is a sweet treat.  Your office is loaded with sweets that you have to battle daily.   Why do we load our offices with sweets?  I was coaching a Dr’s office staff a few years ago on nutrition, as they were opening food that was bought for them by a drug rep.  It was all the different types of food I was trying to get them away from, foods loaded with sauces and creams with one big boring salad! They knew the food was being delivered and they relied on someone else to feed them. Mistake in my books.

BE RESPONSIBLE AND PRACTICE SAFE FOOD!  Sugar addicts need it to fuel the feel good hormones in their body.  It’s a fix no different than a drug or alcohol, the first taste is like AHHHHH, it’s in my bloodstream.  SUUUUGAAAAAR!  Sugar acts like a drug, the voices call out. Support from family and friends can help.  Courage to ask for help.  Being prepared at all times can help.  Have all of your go to foods ready to fuel your body.  Don’t wait too long to eat in between meals.  If 3:00 is your time, then eat something at 2:40, trick the body, on purpose to ward off the hungry time.  Have a healthy meal and include protein at that time so it’s less of a snack reward that will make you crash and actually something to really hold you over till dinner.  Give your body what it needs and you will be less likely to give it what it wants. When we’re hungry, we need food. When we’re bored, take a walk. Smell some flowers. Be appreciative for another category of life other than food. Get your mind off of it by changing your path with an action. If you can learn to not rely on the unknown you can battle with better strength. The unknown is wondering what your next meal will be which requires a choice instead of the known which is what you packed for the day. The machine in the break room is not your friend. Create a new habit by becoming aware and having all your battle snacks ready. 
Other options:
Perimeter shop the supermarket. All the good stuff is on the outside.
Do not buy what you can’t battle. Block out those foods until further notice. Go down the baggie aisle there is nothing fun there!
Magnesium helps with sugar cravings as does whey protein.
Investigate your gut health.  If your gut flora is off you could be totally craving sugar. PROBIOTICS.
Ask your partner to give you gifts of love that are not cupcakes and chocolates. Sometimes we like to keep each other stuck in our sugar places so we have company. BE STRONG.
Detox.  Trying going one day. No sugar. One day can become two. Find support. Be strong. Write us.
The longer you go the better off you’ll be because you’ll reset your taste buds.
STAY OFF artificial sweeteners. They trick the brain into thinking it’s had something super sweet and will change your tipping point for what you think is sweet.

What we can’t do alone, we can do together!

Write us, sign up for the website, share it with your friends and as always, we are here for you!

See you in great shape,
Iron Beauty Coach
Kathi Sottosanti
©